Hi, I'm Mindy Hitchcock, the founder of Lady4Justice PLLC. Let me explain why this phrase has become our mission statement for handling divorce, and how that benefits you.
When a relationship begins, we tend to focus only the good qualities of the person we love, and ignore the bad ones. We see a beautiful future ahead with our soul mate, who understands us better than anyone else and will make us happy. At some level we recognize their flaws, but we choose to ignore them in favor of the fantasy. Naturally, reality will intrude sooner or later.
At the subconscious level, our early family relationships also affect our choice of a mate. We may end up marrying our mother or father, so to speak. It's understandable, because we are naturally attracted to what we know as "home." But along with the good qualities from those earlier relationships come the unresolved issues. Life lessons we need to learn that just keep coming back to us in another form. And now it's our spouse.
As we begin living together, we suddenly discover that the person we thought was our soul mate is just another human being, like us! As the masks come off, everything we thought we were escaping comes back, often with a vengeance. We feel let down, betrayed. And we start to focus only on the negative qualities of our spouse. As the resentments and disappointments pile up, our focus changes and we can see nothing but their bad qualities. And we tend to blame the failed relationship on them, although the truth is, it takes two to make or break a marriage. With love and mutual commitment, these obstacles can be overcome and lead to a beautiful, lasting relationship. Without this, the relationship is over.
There are marriages that need to end. Many times, there are children from those marriages. If you only see your spouse or partner as a bad person who ruined everything, you are likely to spend thousands of dollars in court, trying to prove yourself right to the judge. (Who honestly doesn't care.) You are likely to be tempted to try and convince the kids that it is all your spouse's fault. Both of these actions are costly, in different ways. Both will hurt you and your children, as well as all of the friends and family who really may not want to take sides.
But if you can remember who this person once was to you, and how much you once loved them, you may be able to act a little more kindly towards them, and more reasonable in dissolving your marriage. That's a good thing. If it's time for you to move on, you don't want to bring enough baggage to fill an 18 wheeler into your next relationship! And believe me, no one wants to hear about your bad divorce.
There are times to fight in a divorce case. Like when one spouse is trying to hide assets, or trying to harm your relationship with your child. I can handle these situations, and I've seen just about everything in the last three decades of practicing law. But most divorces are simply a matter of two good people who tried to make it together and couldn't, whether you have many assets or no assets. The good news is that if you can end your marriage with even a little of the love you once felt, you are richly rewarded in your next relationship. You'll be a kinder, happier person without the baggage. Even more important, you allow your children to successfully adjust, guilt-free. Now they don't have to hear you fight all the time, and they are free to love you both, just as you are. Believe me, they already know your flaws better than you do, and they love you anyway.
If you are thinking of divorce, I hope you will take our motto to heart: "It started with love. Why not end it the same way?"
If you need an experienced attorney to help you through the process, contact me here. I can help.